


The Meaning Held

by mggislife2789



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Death, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-27
Updated: 2018-02-27
Packaged: 2019-03-24 13:41:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13812360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mggislife2789/pseuds/mggislife2789
Summary: Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their original stories. This is only for fun. It's where my brain goes after the credits roll. No copyright intended. Better safe than sorry. ;)





	The Meaning Held

The creaking of her apartment door opening brought her out of her fit of constantly streaming tears and back down to reality for a moment. Quickly, she wiped her eyes with the backs of her hands, hoping that her boyfriend wouldn’t notice the fact that she was crying.

Having a profiler for a boyfriend meant he knew the second he walked in the door. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“Nothing,” she replied. The smile just his face could bring her was enough to make her realize that although Lil Peep was gone, she did have Spencer in her life - and he brought her a happiness she didn’t know she deserved. “I’m good.”

Spencer sighed and put his bag down before hopping over the back of the couch to sit at her side. “Come on, it’s me,” he said, kissing her temple. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“It’s nothing. It’s just,” she started, hesitating a bit because Spencer didn’t listen to a lot of the same music as she did. “You know that rapper I listen to, Lil Peep?”

He nodded encouragingly and rubbed his hand up and down her spine. “Yea, what about him?”

“Well, he died a few months ago, and…I don’t know. It just keeps hitting me.” She started to tear up again, wishing that she could stop. “His music meant a lot to me. Before you and I met, I listened to his stuff all the time. I still do, and it got me through some shit, you know?”

Spencer leaned in and pressed another kiss to her temple. “I get it,” he replied. “I haven’t listened to a ton of his stuff before, but when something touches you like that, and then they get taken away, especially at such a young age. It’s like there was so much potential there.”

“Exactly,” Y/N said, turning to the side to face Spencer. “He could’ve made so much more music and helped so many other people. It’s stupid, the music still helps me, and it still helped me then, but there’s something about him being gone that gets to me.”

It was like any other relationship. “It’s not dumb. Someone made an impact on your life and now they’re gone, so he doesn’t have the ability to do that in new and different ways anymore.” She started to cry again so Spencer gathered her hair behind her head and massaged her scalp. “It’s okay to cry.”

So she did. No heaving sobs or violent cries, just a soft and steady stream of tears as she laid her head on Spencer’s chest. “Thanks for understanding,” she said after a few minutes. “He just helped through so much. He went through so much crap. Alcohol and drug abuse, fucked up relationships, suicidal thoughts. He went through it all and came out the other side, so he was kind of like my inspiration to keep fighting.”

“Then I like him too,” Spencer said softly, his lips curving upward into a small smile. “He kept you alive so that I could find you. I can’t ask for anything more than that.”

Y/N had already been in a vulnerable state, mourning someone that meant so much to her, so hearing him say what he said, made her cry more, tears tinged with more happiness this time. “I’m glad he kept me alive long enough to get through to the other side. I never would’ve met you otherwise. And you are the greatest thing in my life now.”

“Really?” He seemed surprised. She had a job she liked and friends that loved her; he didn’t really expect to be her number one.

She on the other hand was adamant. “Of course you are. My relationships have always been strained or just okay. Only recently have they started to mean more to me. My job is a job - it allows me to make money so that I can do the things I want to do and enjoy the things I want to enjoy, but with you…” she hesitated, leaning in to kiss him softly, “with you, I genuinely smile. My heart skips a beat every time I see you. It wasn’t anything I ever expected or thought I deserved.”

Spencer’s eyes started to tear up. Leaning in, he kissed her before glancing into the kitchen. “How about I make dinner and you can put on some of your fave songs by him?”

“Yea?” She could feel the twinkle in her own eyes. “I know it’s not your kind of music.”

Chuckling, he grabbed her hand and led her to the kitchen. “True. I’m more a Beethoven and Mozart guy myself, but if he means a lot to you, then he means a lot to me.”

As he grabbed some ingredients from the refrigerator, she sat down with an exhausted smile and went through her iPod, putting on Past the Castle Walls and turning up the volume. She’d been through so much to get here, but Lil Peep had gotten her through to the other side, where she’d found the love of her life. She’d miss him, but she couldn’t ask for more than that.


End file.
